Metaphysics
The word Taconian comes from an ancient Chinese so old that no one remembers it. In order to find the word, we had to dig a hole to the center of the earth. Doing so may have cost millions of lives in the following battle with the crab people, but it was worth it to gain this one word engraved on the thorax of the mightiest crabman. It means, “Fucking Awesome.” This is the only word we were able to uncover from the Chinese civilization that was so old, it wasn’t even Chinese. In fact, the people were the first decedents of the Ninja who traveled back into time to produce the heirs that would be their ancestors. These Taconians had so much time to master their ninja skill they answered all of life’s questions to the point of creating alternative answers, like 2+2 = Cheesecake.
Evil crab person and enjoys it!
So where do you go when you die? The Taconians knew. But first, you must know what you are. Everything in the world, universe, quantum universe, quantum world, and in those strings you can’t see is constructed from tacos. It is the material that builds everything, the greatest and smallest of things. Even our thoughts are made from tacos. Now, not all tacos are the same. In fact, no two tacos are alike. Some tacos have hard shells while others are soft. Other tacos are filled with beef but not all of them. When we die, we return to the diner. An endless buffet with spoons, fillings, and shells. All prepared by “the Cook.” The cook is the grandtaco of tacos. His taco is said to be made from the freshest of ingredients that never spoil, even if left out in the sun.
Ingredients used in most females. Personally, I enjoy Guacamole!
At this buffet, you create a taco. This primordial act drives us to dip a ladle into the juice and soak the lettuce with mild hot sauce, assuming you’re a coward. Napalm is what real men make their taco with! As you are about to take a bite into the taco you consider your most perfect creation you suddenly find yourself being yanked from a vagina. Screaming because you’ve become your taco and realized you forgot to grab a napkin and now your favorite shirt is going to be ruined. But wait, your shirt is gone, you’re naked, and some strange masked man is holding you be the ankles.
This is a poor start to your new life. You haven’t even been told about how uneaten ingredients make their way back under the heating lamp in the diner. Brushed off and served with the fresh stuff. So whenever you bite into a taco, you’re biting into every taco that existed!
The circle of existence, we usually just walk past Buddha’s house
This is why the Taconians did not give birth, because they could not separate their children from their tacos to become tacos, even though they were tacos when they were trying to eat their taco because all things are tacos. This is also why the Taconians stopped dying. No way were they going to bite into a taco without fresh ingredients. And so the Taconians slaved in the kitchens, with the fires from the center of the earth to cook the best taco imaginable. In this journey they pushed 2+2 all the way to 12, turned red into green and made green a fruit that could be consumed. John Cusack was also created, that was pretty tight.
But since the vagina did not exist in this age, the ninja had no means to travel back to the diner to warn the diners. However, the samurai would invite the female in 10 billion years, so all they had to do was wait. Sadly, the female came with the cootie and all of the Taconian society was destroyed, aside from this one word.
I shall reveal more onto you when I receive the required offering of lesbian porn.
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