SPORTS!

Fine chiseled abs, I know you want them because you think Japanese school girls love them so much. That’s inauthentic and you’re a tool, this is why everyone hates you, especially me. Besides, I haven’t a clue on how to get them, do some sit ups or something. These sports aren’t about getting awesome abs like me, they’re about being awesome. That’s even more important and it’ll get you EVEN MORE JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRLS!

Porn Star Rumble!!!

Porn star rumble is simple. Any game you can play competitively, play against a porn star.

Here is an example:

They may have difficulty doing anything without a hip thrust, but how many porn stars do you know? Probably very few, they’re people too! They just happen to really enjoy the job they’re ashamed of.

CalvinBall!

This game is simple. Make up a means to score points using a ball or other object (thongs). Then invent rules to make scoring more difficult or easier. The only permanent rule of Calvinball is you can’t play the same way twice.

Example:

In order to score, you need to find an old man to hold the ball.

After someone scores, it is suggested all parties involved create new rules, like adjusting point values or forbidding harm and/or threats of harm to old men. At any point during the game, you may create new rules.

Upon conclusion of the game, the rules carry over to the next game. However, you may adjust the rules as you see fit or start over. Remember, you can’t play the same way twice.

Go crazy and have fun, within reasonable confines of the law.

Sky Scraper Jumping!


Note, professional athlete shown.