BubBle Gum Fairies


Fairies didn’t always install fear in humans. A long time ago, before anyone today can remember, fairies were seen as a bit of a joke. Before that, they were terrifying, because flashlights didn’t exist yet. But in 1984, they got scary again. Out of no where, 43 field fairies charged the stands of a stadium and began attacking innocent bystanders. It turned out soccer players could use their hands, FOR MURDER!

A massive riot engulfed the entire city leaving only ruin in its path. This awakened a blood lust in the fairies of the world. Nymphs, pixies, dryads, and so on began to develop a taste for human flesh. This would later upset the zombies, due to the increased cost of human. More than a few “all you can eat buffets” started watering down their human sections with cattle, which is just gross.

What provoked the peaceful field fairies to such violence? Perhaps it was the term “Field Fairy” which drives soccer players to insanity? Or perhaps it was this…

Is this just another everyday soccer riot guy or is it something more? I think I’ll let you be the judge of this one. Don’t let their innocent appearance fool you. They are the cause of much evil in this world. Did your daughter become a whore AND get a fairy tattoo at the same time? Did your vase fall over and break, did your “dog” chew on the couch? Well guess what, it was probably the fairies. Come on think about it, why would your dog do that? Your dog sleeps there!

Should you ever find yourself against a fairy in its true form, I have one thing to say, “Sucks to be you! And I think the game “Oblivion” was overrated. I mean, it wasn’t a bad game. It just wasn’t the legendary game the reviewers made it out to be. I thought you should know that before you die.”

The Fairies are beings of incredible power. Don’t plan on taking one alone. For they have never been defeated in straight out combat. Each kill was the result of careful planning, ambushes, good nutrition, corporate sponsorships, plenty of rest, and luck. Even with all the planning, each attack has resulted in a great number of causalities. Here is a picture of the great foe, may you never meet one. Or if you do, like, maybe it’s on good terms. They may be evil, but they aren’t jerks about it. Unlike those filthy Sasquashes.

This is an image of the fiend. The battle may have been really bloody, but luckily there was sketch artist down the street.


Images used courtesy of CNN, the only journalists brave enough to report on Fairies!