Richard Rhino
by Richard “MaximumTacolord” Meyer

Ya know, I’m a lot like a rhino
Rhinos got it pretty rough
Everyone thinks it’s pretty cool being a rhino
Since they eat a lot of hamburgers
But it’s warm at best!
First off, the women
have you seen the rhino women?
Sex is not a defining characteristic of rhinos
some chicks have bigger horns than me
Okay, they all do….
It’s hard to mate with someone like that,
cause she’s always saying degrading things during the process
last time she was like,
“was that the wind or did you finish”
It was the wind, but she didn’t need to be so mean about it
Secondly, it isn’t like we can go after the girls we really like
Sure, everyone says nothing can stop a rampaging rhino
as he charges a Japanese school girl
But you can’t just charge
you got to stomp and snort and stuff
ensure enough dust is in the air to set the mood
Rhino foreplay is necessary for the romance
But before a rhino can charge it’ll get blasted
Because Japan has like, millions of giant robots to keep the rhinos out
Of course, rhinos don’t get any privacy
Even in their home, somewhere outside Seattle
Because Bigfoot is always wandering around with his video camera
trying to film Rhinos while they poop
Aside from Sasquatch watching me and the manly women
I’m much like the rhino
I like to play Tekken, like the rhino, with no fingers
I punch babies in the face, like a rhino
I dance in circles for Peanut butter M&Ms, like the rhino
My fighting style is more like the Kangaroo, who’s basically a ninja
only from down under which is where rhinos like to vacation
and of course, like the rhino, I’ve been shot by voltron
while trying to charge Japanese school girls

I’m not very mysterious when it comes to things like that
like the rhino