How to Tell if Your Buddy is the Tacolord

Who is this mysterious guy, the guy that disappeared so long ago but really didn’t because he lives in this secret place called Wisconsin, wait I shouldn’t have told you that on account it’s a secret! Anyway, should you ever find yourself in doubt of whether you know the tacolord or just some guy who doesn’t wear pants, here is a test. A great test! Well, not that great of a test. But, it’s good enough, so deal with it. I have a monkey! Actually, I don’t. He died.

1. If your friend has ever jumped from the roof of a building more than three times to see if his dormant powers have awakened yet.
2. Your friend, though showing no physical signs of being Japanese, Black, Purple, Martian, or a puppy dog, still claims to be some of or all of those listed anyway.
3. Your friend breaks into uncontrollable attacks of the “itchies” and falls to the ground scratching himself. Then demands you take off your underpants and proceed to place them on your head and perform the exorcism to free him of the monkeys inside his head.
4. You can’t listen to the lyrics of “A Place for my Head” without concealing yourself from the publics’ eye in shame.
5. You have the ability to ask one favor; on this the day of a hot Asian chick’s wedding, of the Crazy Pajama Pants Mafia. As long as it involves a cold energy drink, you drinking it, and nothing else.
6. You’ve killed a man with a staple gun; in order to save your friend from being bitten to death by a rapid, giant, 10-foot ballerina. Even though you didn’t quite see anyone there.
7. You must wear riot gear to get the mail or send your small Korean houseboy and part time sex slave, in case the BubBle Gum Fairies try to perform a fly by.
8. You’re a really hot chick and possess an uncontrollable urge to have mad hippopotamus sex with a gamer calling himself the Tacolord. Yet you hide these feelings for fear of rejection and resort to name calling, striking the Tacolord, or even dating other people, despite the fact you love him with great passion.
9. You do as you’re commanded for fear of being hugged, ass grabbed, purple nirplied, or denied your Pikachu humping privileges.
10. You’ve placed someone in a straight jacket, saying it was for the best, but he still managed to update his website.
11. You look at nude ice sculptures of women and ponder if Shiva did another self-portrait again; wait that would be the tacolord, wouldn’t it? YOU’RE HIM, AREN’T YOU! GET HIM, INTERNET!
12. Even though your buddy can’t tie a tie, he still manages to create them out of small animals.
13. Somehow the idea of Lego porn doesn’t disturb you. Yet, the idea of playing Total Annihilation does.
14. You swear to your respective divine authority Cartoon Network is the only channel this one guy gets.
15. You’ve seen your buddy write out the word MaximumTacolord in the snow with his urine… well at least Maximu, he had to borrow the rest.
16. Did you say, Penguin? I was once the champion, the king, the emperor, and the supreme ruler of the North Poll. Until Santa came and changed everything.
17. Someone threatened to beat you up for shopping at the mall, but when he tried all he really did was hump your leg.
18. You realize the term “Taco, Taco, Taco” is a battle cry, but it doesn’t really scare you.
19. When sparing with your opponent, he uses moves such as the Kaymayhamayha, Super Kung Fu Grip, A Big Stick, “Duck, Scoop, Roll, and Flee.” When doing said moves, he always announces them in advance.
20. Finally, you know this Richard guy from Wisconsin.