Over 40 flavors of Awesome!
Home About Comic Rejected Lastest Page

Team Dash has been a lot of things. We were professional gamers, until it got too hard.

Then we become a professional group of Zombie Hunters. It fell apart after it was made public my first girlfriend was a zombie.

We tried prostitution. We’d rather not talk about it.

Now Team Dash is born again, to show you the way of salvation through gaming.

|-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-|
I am Game Guru, MaximumTacolord.
|-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-|

I have reached the unnumbered level of life and this Nirvana of gaming can be yours, all you have to do is defeat the final bosses. The following is your guide winning life through gaming. As with all guides on GameFAQs, please seek permission before republishing. This guide is free to all who wish to use it.

|-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-|
Boss Battle
Doom the Fanboy
|-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-|

The fanboy is a corrupter of the gaming industry. The fanboy fears anything they don't already know or doesn't have a large enough advertising budget to make it familiar. If enough fanboys are created, the industry will have little choice but to make predictable, boring games for them. Hookers will only put out for original ideas for so long until they demand fat piles of cash. With creativity and love forced from their product, gaming Nirvana is replaced by intolerance and blind loyalty. The fanboy sees the companies that fulfill his empty dreams as those who can do no wrong, so the fanboy buys any product the company may sell and recommends it highly to others. He insults any other product produced by another company, regardless of what that product is, even waffle irons.

Final Fantasy is the greatest scourge of the fanboy. Tired combat systems, recycled story lines, little interaction, and an overemphasis on graphics and cut scenes have almost removed the gamer entirely from the game! All the gamer is needed for is to hold the X button while his characters level and grind through tedious mini-games and dialogue as sexually ambiguous characters stand next to large breasted females between doing impossible things with huge swords. The boobs aren't bad though.

Defeating the Fanboy

The fanboy may be weakened through parodies and satire only so much, eventually these attacks will become familiar enough that the fanboy will enjoy them and keep playing the game to inspire more parodies. The only way to fight the monster fanboy is to ignore the monster fanboy. The games fanboys flock to, you must not buy, even when they are in the bargain bin. You may think to purchase used copies, but this is still not enough. The game must never enter your hard drive or console if ANYONE paid for it.

You must also support other titles that seek innovation, like Beyond Good and Evil or Psychonauts. Sure, the games aren’t as shiny, but a dull gold is far better than a glistening pile of crap.

|-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-|
Boss Battle
Jimmy the Release Date Demon
|-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|

The release date demon is notorious for altering the dates of games for unknown reasons. Some games are pushed back so long, they’re never released. Others are sold before the game is even made! It injects hype into our gonads and draws despair through our crushed spirits.

Worst of all, the demon pushes back the release date of our heart.

Defeating the Release Date Demon

To defeat him you must defeat time. Minutes, punch them in the face. Months, go for the balls. If the game isn’t coming out tomorrow, it doesn’t really concern you. By giving your attention to a game that isn’t even out, you push smaller, already released, titles in the dark. Don’t not clap your hands all day because Blizzard announces another World of Warcarft expansion, save your hands for the controller.

Coming soon!
TJ the dominatrix.

Optional Bosses :

Sun Alliance
The Immortals of Gaming

Web the Immortal Rage!
Ben that guy who's never played the game
Pat the J-pop kid.