Over 40 flavors of Awesome!
Home About Comic Rejected Lastest Page

Erica "Nuclear" Campbell, the next generation of dirty bomb! Traditionally, nukes had to be fired by rockets. But what good is a rocket if Rambo is always going to be around to disarm it midair with his combat knife? When he comes back to the ground, you can be pretty sure someone is going to get a headbutt for his trouble! Governments have tried other means of transporting a nuke, mostly cows. The results have been mixed and disturbing at best. They were called “dirty” bombs for a reason.

Nukes have suffered many setbacks, being too heavy, causing cancer, smelling kind of funny, bringing down real estate values, and generally not being very good company. Have you ever tried to play poker with a nuclear warhead? It's like trying to sit at the same table as your mother as she's masturbating and belittling your life choices at the same time. They’ve got no manners. The goblins were well aware of all of these drawbacks and decided stockpiling a nuclear arsenal in the Lincoln memorial wouldn’t be very good feng shui.

Thus Erica Campbell was born! Finally a weapon capable of destroying an entire nation that didn’t look tacky in a three bedroom apartment. That's right; she matches the carpets and the drapes. Erica continues the tradition of using women as a means to destroy humanity. Goblins have equipped this female not only with full cootie production but a vast arsenal of weaponry making her deadly in more situations. Women, can’t live with them due to heavy parasite production and if you try to escape, they’ll hunt you down.

The main threat Erica possesses is in the chest region. As stated in my cootie lab report, women house large factories that generate “cooties.” However, Erica’s cootie factories run on plutonium, allowing for easy production of nuclear warheads. The activation of these warheads is generated by the simultaneous compression of both her nipples. The threat of her stockpile is increased significantly by her profession of removing her clothing whenever someone points a camera at her. The lack of clothing often makes her very cold. Despite the incredible risk involved in photographing her, visual recon reports exist throughout the internet.

Although the use of a thong has been long ruled a war crime, the goblins have adapted the technology well for Erica Campbell. Housed within Erica’s thong is a large supply of nitroglycerin. Technically outside the thong, since the only thing you can hold within the material is an orifice. With simple thrust motions, Erica is capable of generating explosions small enough to take out a building. A building housing orphans. Orphans with sad, persistent coughs.

Erica’s eyes are a blend of the most vicious eyes of the world. The cones of Sigmund Freud, the iris of Sharbat Gula, the rods of a tiger, the goblins even put in some parts from this dude they thought could shot lasers from his eyes, but it turned out it was only heat vision. Erica’s vision is generally regarded as uncomfortably warm and can become problematic if she stares vigorously at an object for several hours. Instead of vitreous humor, her eyes are filed with the blood of the murdered gods of Greece. It isn’t known for sure what this blood does, but instead of seeing gray things floating around in space, Erica commonly sees the future or whatever Zeus happens to be watching on Television. Rumor says she can remove an eyeball and put it on things.

Another serving of tea, thanks to Erica Campbell!

Within her belly button is housed a small pin. Upon removing this pin, all her limbs will fall off. The goblins may have thought this to be practical for something, no one really knows what. Maybe it’d make her more aerodynamic, in case they dropped her from a plane or something.

Her fingernails are pretty long and she can use them to scratch people. If the wound isn’t treated, there is a chance it’ll become infected. Watch out.

It is unconfirmed if she drinks blood. But we’re going to say she does anyway. It makes her sound more mincing. And she has fangs. They’re like, 8 inches long.

Perhaps most dangerous of all, Erica has proved far more capable of infiltrating high status targets. It seems any locations with a lonely guy who owns a computer is within her reach. In fact, the other day she infiltrated the headquarters of Taco Inc. and stole all our toilet paper. We had to resort to kittens for weeks. Luckily, this venture proved most profitable as the Chinese restaurant nearby had a great demand for our used kittens.

This weapon is to be considered very dangerous. It isn’t known for certain if Campbell is purely the result of Goblin technology or if a New England couple with too much time on their hands and love for biological warfare are partially to blame. But since Goblins are dicks, let's just blame it all on them should this go to trial.

Erica Campbell is currently running an animal shelter, animals filled with bombs perhaps? So watch out for exploding deer crossing the streets.