A lot of people want to conquer the world. Conquering the world is hard though, the world is pretty big. Most people can’t even handle maintaining their house. They get sick of cleaning so they hire a maid. After awhile homeowners are pretty sure that freakin’ maid is stealing from them and think one of their friends might be having sex with her. Now imagine if that house was the size of Rhode Island. Consider the absurd number of maids having sex in your house WITHOUT you. It’s disgusting; you’d literally be walking in the sexual juices wondering where your TV is.

Teachers have realized this and have decided the most prudent choice isn’t to conquer the world but to create your own little one. Thus the Republic of Teacher was born.

The earliest records of the Republic of Teacher date back to Ancient Greece. During this time the Spartan and Athenian classrooms were established. In Sparta, the Republic of Teacher traded with the locals by offering them military training for a great deal of butt.

Regrettably, the Republic of Teacher in Athens did not have such practical skills.

The teachers would not be discouraged by their lack of real world skills and instead criticized real “education,” claiming you can’t “teach” someone anything. Everyone already knews everything, they just need to remember. It totally blew people’s minds, of course you could only remember if you were born with a certain kind of soul and this soul also happened to acknowledge Socrates was the best teacher ever! Only he wasn't actually a teacher, but if he wanted to be one, he'd totally be the best.

The Republic of Teacher didn’t experience much change until the Renaissance when the Republic first started to split into civil wars. Before, everything was philosophy or a trade skill. Philosophy was no longer “good enough” for some teachers. Lecturing about dialogue was too simple, lecturing about collaboration was also necessary! Thus the Dictatorship of Science was born!

The two factions came to tolerate each other uneasily in their school-states. Although scrimmages would occur between the two, both acknowledge the real world was the true threat. Shortly after the Dictatorship, many teachers got sick of science and philosophy and thus the Community of English and the Arts was born. This "Community" scorned logic and reason for creativity. Of course creativity could only be taught through strict guidelines that required years in a classroom.

Today, these three government factions pretty much describe most school-states, expect for the Oligarchy of Snootiness, a school focused merely on being better than everyone else because you had enough money for the "Snooty" school.

Most of these Schools are currently under investigation for war crimes as follows:

PowerPoint: The only things teachers hate more than the real world are inspiring leaders. When someone in the real world starts trying to bring about change, the students tend to ask questions about that person and teachers aren’t deemed nearly as cool as they used to be. That’s why Power Point was created.

People love technology and tend to think technology makes everything better. It doesn’t. Even worse, PowerPoint is super easy to use so everyone thinks they’re super awesome because they’ve put a bunch of clip art into a slideshow.

Every minute spent on PowerPoint is actually time spent not working on the speech. Furthermore, every minute working on PowerPoint is time spent not actually speaking with people! A perfect recipe for handicapping any “student” from actually becoming famous. Because the only thing worse than someone being more successful than you, is that someone being a former student. Plato never did forgive Aristotle.

Did Martin Luther King Jr., President Obama, or Hitler ever use PowerPoint to inspire a crowd? Heck no, the crowd is supposed to get behind a person or ideal, not your text zooming across a screen!

Idol Worship: Although teachers hate sharing their fame, they’re totally willing to worship someone else. Some philosophy teachers love Nietzsche and others hate him. Some Preachers love Jesus and others think he was a lobster man trying to spread the message of Atlantis. Worst of all, all English teachers like Shakespeare. Why is this the worst? Shakespeare wrote for the populace! Imagine if 100 years from now the pathetic movie producers from our era started getting forced down our throats. Our great grand children may have to write a biography on Michael Bay. Geeze… I do not look forward to helping my kids rewrite a paragraph about how his special effects symbolize man overcoming his limitations.

Alumni Associations: They’re kind of like support groups for people who survived their educational ordeal. Only no one is willing to admit what horrible things happened. Really people, you’re in denial. It’s time to admit what happened to you and let the healing start.