Tacolord.Com

Welcome to the Tacolord.com Forums.

Before you post, note the rules:

1. Speak like an American or get the hell out!

America’s cultural guidelines on speech were outlined in the BIBLE and were later revised in “Tails and Cream, the World’s Leading Catgirl Magazine.” That means all you French bastards with your attempts at interesting conversion need to stay the fuck out! In America, we don’t change topics in conversation, ever. When you start a topic, you better hope it is a good one, because there is no way out of it! If someone else starts a topic, you can’t read it unless you’re willing to continue it. People who change topics are idiots and communists. For example, Socrates changed topics a lot! He totally derailed entire posts in books like the Republic, it’s foreign communists like him that turn the world into a bunch of morons! There is a reason the United States conquered Greece back in the middle ages! The academy was a bunch of topic changing idiots.

You’ll also note forums already have topics started! So you should be able to find infromation digging through it. Sure, the answer you’re seeking might be buried in garbage. But that’s no reason to start a new thread! You don’t ask someone to refresh your memory. You dig through a backlog of conversations to find the answer! Otherwise you’re wasting their time!

2. Get PISSED!

Look, you know everything. It’s a fact. Anyone that says something that opposes your opinion is wrong. Equally, anyone that says something you haven’t or something you don’t understand must also be wrong. Since you invented everything right, anything not invented is therefore wrong. The only possible thing that could come from anyone else is wrong, damn it.

3. Suck it dry.

Let’s face it, moderators and other semi-important people are going to show up from time to time. While on the forums these people are your god! Don’t let a name like Nappy Butt Hair confuse you. That special avatar in his window gives him all the powers of Jesus Christ and Superman fused into a single digital individual known as Super Jesus. If their penis is just a little moist, man, you don’t want to know what may happen to your access to the forum.

4. Suicide is cool.

Remember, if you haven’t posted about how something makes you depressed and makes you want to die, you’re a tool.

5. Literature is a no-no.

Look, just because we spend our entire day browsing this and 7 other forums doesn’t mean we want to be mind fucked by your posts over 300 words long. I go to the forums for two things, to have people read about me and to read about other people writing about me. I don’t want to read some essay on your communist, bullshit poetry.

6. That refresh button won’t push itself!

Just because you’ve posted the most recent reply in every topic on the forum doesn’t mean you’re done, hit that refresh button! Maybe someone finally replied. Just because those lazy bastards are using sleep as an excuse not to post at 4 a.m. doesn’t mean the fun has to end.

7. We all care about what you’re having sex with (person or thing) and what you’re driving.

By Wisconsin state law, everyone must post a picture of their car with their girlfriend half to completely naked in the picture.

8. On that note, if you’re a girl, post your picture and share with everyone the information about your boobs.

9. Racism.

Remember, anything that could possibly offend anyone is racism. Here at tacolord.com, we run a tight ship and if someone just got off that boat you can’t make any comments about it! Comments about Vikings raiding churches are another example of what is ripping this country apart. That, hippies, communists, and women. Talking about our issues will only make them worse, so hide them deep inside yourself so no one will ever know. Should someone make a comment, remember you’re the saint and they’re the sinner. Burn their ass alive to make sure everyone knows about it! That is the only way people will know the score. You don’t have to like them, you just have to pretend to during the job interview. Afterwards, you can just shred their resume.

10. Grammar.

Two types of forum goers exist, people who can hardly read and those who spend their entire life studying for Jeopardy. So if you aren’t spending your entire day displaying how the school systems failed, then you should be correcting other people’s post like a freakin’ Nazi English teacher!

How to post –

Here at tacolord.com we’ve developed a revolutionary new posting system called “the letter.” You see, you type up whatever boring and meaningless thing you want to say into a word processing program. At the top you’ll place a letter head as follows:

”Subject of Message”
Name or Alias of Writer

Now type the post! Afterwards, print the letter and put it into an envelope with a stamp and these two words on the front and center, “The President.” There is only one “The President” and the post office knows it. They work for him after all. It’s like sending a letter to Santa Claus, it’ll get there regardless of artic tundra, giant man eating spiders like Shelob, or paper cuts. The post office is filled with professionals and nothing besides the occasional bullet in the head from a fellow employee will stop them.

Why the president, because you’re so damn important that you shouldn’t even bother with all the other peasants reading your glorious messages and degrading it with their responses. You need to send it straight to the only man important enough to read about your day!

Happy posting and welcome to the Tacolord.com forums!